And I Ran...

I've always hated running. Like really hated it. When I was little, I loved riding bikes, roller blading, but I hated hated hated running. In high school, when our swim coach would make us run, I would bitch the entire time ("I joined swim team to swim, not to run!!!!"). I tried to like it a couple times, recruiting friends to go with me, but the interested usually lasted halfway down the street until I gave up.

Then one day, I woke up, and I wanted to run. I wanted to run far away, I wanted to run fast. No idea why, but slowly, I started running a tiny loop around my neighborhood. Then a little further. Then a little faster. I still wasn't a great runner, but I wanted to make myself healthier, so I turned up my music to the most motivating songs I could, and I ran.

A little over a year ago, I had worked 18 days in a row. It was a different job than what I have right now, and it was degrading, and I felt horrible about myself, and I was worn out. As soon as someone else was hired so I wasn't the only one that could work those shifts, I got my other shifts covered and told my boss not to call me for the next four days. I packed up my car, and traded my heals for flip flops and sneakers, and my scandalous dresses for sweatpants and t-shirts. I called my mom, my roommate, and my best friend, and told them I was taking a trip and not to tell anyone where I was going. Then I rolled down my windows and turned up Jason Mraz as loud as my stereo would allow, and I ran.

Six hours later, after driving through cherry orchards and farms and trees, I found myself in San Luis Obispo, "the Happiest Place in North America." I called the same three people and told them I was safe, then I turned off my phone and left it in the car. I spent my days browsing used bookstores, farmers markets, vegan restaurants, craft shops, and organic coffee shops. The next morning, I woke up at the cute little bed and breakfast I was staying at, laced up sneakers, went down and ate some of the amazing eggs that came with my stay, and I ran.

I ran across the other town, past all the shops, past the bars and restaurants, past the little river and straight to a little hill and up to Lemon Hill Trail. This run was different than my usual runs. I wasn't running because I wanted exercise, I wasn't running to lose weight, I was running for me. I didn't listen to my usual high intensity, fast paced music. I listened to my mellow aMrazing playlist, and I ran.

I hiked up to the top of this trail and took in the beauty around me. I looked at the mountains, I could just see a sliver of the ocean, I could see the meadow below me blowing in the summery breeze, and I finally felt good again. I left my little perch on the top of the trail, headed back to my hotel, and I ran.

Now when I run, I don't run for the exercise (although that part is great too), I run as therapy. I run to clear my head and reflect on my day. Every step I take is a step in the right direction, a step towards my goals, a step towards a happier, healthier me. I set little goals for myself, just make it to the stop sign, just make it to the next light pole, just make it to the third house down, just make it to the corner. And every time I cross my little finish line, I take a little leap of accomplishment. I love to feel the achiness of my legs when I'm done. I love to watch my shadow dance on the sidewalk. I like to run a little bit further than I did on my last run. I like to run at night, mostly because it's 100 degrees during the day, because it feels like an amazing way to end my night, to go to sleep feeling free and at peace.

I've run two 5k's now, and I still don't think I'm a great runner, but now I really really love it. It's one of the things that makes me really happy and makes me feel better about everything. When I'm running, I feel like everything is right, that everything is at peace. I feel empowered. I feel like I am the real me.

Now if only I could learn to love doing laundry this much. Good night and happy running :)